- Crone - Not really a coinage, since this the word already existed, but Zoë has brought it out of mothballs to refer to the elderly gypsy women who beg on the streets of Spanish towns and cities, particularly the ones who do so just outside the door of a church.
- Cronage - The crone's performance of her role as a crone. These women are experts at soliciting sympathy through moaning, limping, and other such displays of misery, authentic or feigned. When you see a particularly impressive performance, it is appropriate to remark, "That's some damn good cronage!"
- Crone change - Small change that you would not hesitate to part with when moved to give money to a crone. Anything below twenty cents, or ten, depending on how miserly you are. This term can be used to refer to such change in any context, even one that has nothing to do with the presence of a crone. Example: "Do you have a euro for the locker?" "No, I only have crone change."
- Whack-a-Mole - Throughout Spain, one sees elderly women (not crones) who are exceedingly small in stature, perhaps coming in at less than five feet in height. Their diminutive size is probably due to privations suffered in their youth, during and after the Spanish Civil War, when hunger and malnutrition were the norms of live for many a Spaniard. These lovely ladies like to stroll about, often with their arms locked in twos or even threes. If you find yourself walking behind one, or two, or three of them, you may experience frustration at the pace of their progress down the sidewalk, a pace that is usually much, much slower than the one you would like to assume. In your frustration, you may find yourself seized with the desire to whack these little ladies as if they were moles in a whack-a-mole game. We encourage you not to do so, since physical violence is rarely justified, particularly when it is directed against the elderly. But you might enjoy explaining to your friends, when you arrive at your destination slightly later than anticipated, that you were stuck behind a "whack-a-mole."
- Ho Phone - Only official residents and citizens are allowed to get cellular phones with contracts. Everyone else has to settle for a debit phone, or "burner," or, as Zoë calls them, a "ho phone," in reference to the use of such phones in the pursuit of illegal activities, such as prostitution. Notice how much better "ho phone" sounds than some of the alternatives, such as "pimp phone" or "drug dealer phone."
- Douche-Off - Embarrassment is a problematic emotion in Spanish culture, as it often is in Latin American culture as well. A common reaction to the experience of embarrassment, especially when it is triggered by an accusation of some sort, is to respond with a counter-accusation, usually leveled in an aggressive tone. For example, I once witnessed a man complain to the woman cleaning the men's room in a gas station by saying, "You're always cleaning the restroom when I need to use it!" The cleaning lady responded, in the same frustrated, accusatory tone, "Well, what do you want? A dirty restroom?" The original accuser backed off, and waited for her to finish her job. This exchange of rather angry accusations is called a "douche-off." The original douchey remark is met with an equally douchey counter-remark. At this point, the original douche-bag must choose whether to escalate or back off. Oftentimes, he or she backs off, thereby restoring social order without any sacrifice to anyone's dignity. Other times, the douche-off continues through another series of exchanges. This behavior is a long-standing feature of Spanish culture. Don't believe me? Check Scott Taylor's Honor and Violence in Golden Age Spain. When I told Scott about the douche-off, he remarked, "That idea got me tenure!"
Notice that these terms, or the activities to which they refer, are not mutually exclusive. For example, I once stood in the middle of the Corte Inglés (a department store), engaging in a douche-off on my ho phone. There were whack-a-moles in the immediate vicinity.
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